Halyven
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R I X E N Had I ever been in love? Aurelia’s words echoed in my ears. I never thought about love much. Growing up, it was never something that was on my mind. And then before I knew it, I was left to fend for myself, my herd scattered, my family gone. Because I had spent nearly half of my life wandering alone, I had lost touch with the part of myself that knew how to form relationships. Though rusty, with each new face I came across in the Rift I was remembering how to interact again. Slowly, but surely. Being an honest creature, I gave Aurelia and honest answer. "No." However awkward, my reply was truthful. Should I be embarrassed that I had never been in love? Should I feel regret? If I was supposed to, I didn’t feel any. Of course, one day I hoped to find out what love was like. But I was young and I had plenty of time ahead of me to have a taste of whatever love was for myself. I was in no hurry. Looking in Aurelia’s direction but without making eye contact, I murmur, "You speak of love as if it is a part of the past..." My speech is more to myself than directed at her. A pregnant mare...wandering the Rift... by herself. She need not give an explanation. I could connect the dots on my own. Not wanting to be nosy, I refrained from questioning her further. If she wanted to tell me more, however, I was willing to listen. Trying to define love was like using a cannon to kill a mosquito. Was it the butterflies you got when you saw that special someone? Was it the contentment you felt by their side? Was it the mutual respect? Compatibility? Companionship? Or was it none of that at all? Perhaps love wasn’t all of these good things alone, but instead infused with a mixture of exhilaration and pain and hate and grief and passion. Love could be something so great that it was terrible altogether. And then there was always a chance that love was not something pretty or beautiful at all. It was difficult to pinpoint a single, perfect definition. Especially if you were like me, and you had never really experienced such feelings for yourself. I could only speculate. "I think..." I pause, grasping for words, "I think of love as a powerful force that can either bring two beings together, or rip them apart." I didn’t really know how to put love into words. Perhaps that was because it was impossible. I continued, "That is only my interpretation, of course. Love is something we must define for ourselves." I was a little embarrassed to find myself getting all philosophical about something so sappy. It wasn’t like I knew what I was talking about. My face and neck felt a little hot, but I couldn’t tell if it was because I was embarrassed or because Aurelia was so close to me that I could feel the warmth of her breath. Her next words were a compliment to me, but her tone was laced with bitterness. I wondered who had hurt the mare badly enough that she felt this way. What was it that had gone so wrong that she would pour bitterness out to a complete stranger? "You’re wrong." I replied softly. She had gotten quiet so suddenly, as if a bucket of water had been dumped on the fire within her and extinguished it. Though I searched her face for any clue as to what she was thinking, I found nothing. I didn’t know whether or not to try and comfort her. So I did nothing and said nothing more, for fear of doing or saying something wrong. "Talk." they heard me singing and they told me to stop quit these pretentious things and just punch the clock |
