a quarter past midnight

Rixen Rise and rise again until lambs become lions; "Though I've never met your father or your brother, I hope they are too." My voice echoed, wishing for the mare what I could not have - reunion. For her to find her family again, wherever they were. Even if I didn’t know her father or her brother, I knew the pain of being separated from those I loved most. It was all too familiar, a familiarity that I would never wish upon anyone else. Not Kiada. Not anyone. From the moment I met her, I knew that she was someone I wanted to stay in my life - brave, strong, and equally as kind. Kiada deserved only the best, but as much as I wanted to help her find them, there was nothing more that I could do than offer the mare words of comfort and wish upon a star. And that I did, raising my antlered head to the sky, and gazing out into the glittering abyss through two placid green orbs. Yet in considering hers, it was impossible not to think of my own family; my own past. What I once treasured was now a memory, a shadow lingering in the depths of my mind, one that had fortunately since been replaced. At times, I did miss my father, the noble and devoted one, but not the monster he eventually became. And my gentle mother, though she was long dead, killed by his machinations. And my little sister. Not knowing where she was or if she was alive pained me, and I assumed that she was dead simply because it was easier to move on without clinging to the possibility of ever finding her. It was a strange thing to lose someone, or even everyone, which you once had, like a limb torn from your body, without the chance to save it. In that moment of loss my world collapsed - where there was light became shadowed, the pain coming and going like heat waves rolling off scorching sand. Though my mind called out, the connection was gone... everyone was gone... and finally I knew that I was alone. Or so I’d thought. The Rift had given me everything back: a home, a family, a place in the herd as a leader. Still, I could not help but wonder whether I deserved it. Was I cut out for this life? When she asked whether I wanted to speak of all of this, or about anything that was troubling me, I did not know where to begin. Yes. I did want to tell her. But for some reason, I did not quite know how. My mouth opened, as if to speak, but my jaw just hung there instead, slightly open. Like it had been frozen. Thoughts, racing at lightning speed through my mind, blew by me so fast that it was nearly impossible to grab only one to hone in on. Normally, I had little trouble voicing what went on in my head. I wouldn’t spill everything to a stranger, of course, for I valued my privacy, and also knew that doing so might have innumerable consequences. This was Kiada, though. Why, in this instant, was I choking up? Why was I worried? Turning my body to better face the gilded mare, my lips closed, the corners of my mouth wrinkling slightly downward. My gaze held hers, which was azure and gentle and patiently waiting for my reply, before it shifted downward and focused on a moonlit patch of cobblestone. Like everything else around it, it reflected silver in the light, as if it were worth so much more than a mere pile of stones. I shifted my weight slightly, from my right hooves to the left, trying to agree with myself on how to begin. Not wanting to keep her waiting, or sour the moment, I took a final deep breath before plunging in. "I-" I began, stumbling over what words had been meant to follow, "I’m not sure I can give this herd everything it needs..." And the self-doubt hit me with a pang. I’d been struggling to fight the feeling off, to keep it hidden away so that it would not project onto anyone else, or onto the herd. For the herd needed me to be strong, assured of its creation, of my place and duty within. "My deepest wish, at the end of all of this, is for my herdmates to be happy. I want you to be happy. But it feels as though I lack direction, and I don’t want to let anyone down." I confessed, furrowing my brow slightly, wondering how Kiada would take all of this. It was too late to take any of it back. Not that I really wanted to. Voicing these concerns was cathartic, like a lifting a heavy burden off of my chest that had weighed me down for far too long. It was like I could breathe again. I just hoped the gilded mare at my side would not think anything less of me.  "TALK HERE"

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@Kiada <3