05-19-2018, 12:40 AM
and she is — gold, gold, gold. Kiada
|
and she is — gold, gold, gold. Kiada
|
Rixen Rise and rise again until lambs become lions;
The eerie darkness of the night was comforting, in a way. It was like a pitch-black curtain draped over the sky, and the stars formed twisted, warped shapes against the blackness. The milky speckles twirled and danced along the sky in various patterns, tugging at the corners of my lips in a way that almost made me smile. It was hard to shove aside the worries corrupting my mind, but eventually, my hooves slowed as they reached the city’s largest remaining path, which was sturdy beneath my weight. There was a soft clicking sound that accompanied my hoof-falls with every step over the stones beneath, and the sound easily dissipated into the cool air. After a few more steps, I just... stopped, thinking. I was alone. It was if nothing from this world could touch me. Not a single thing could harm me. My green gaze fell upon the sky and studied the silver glow of the moon. She smiled down at me with love so intense it warmed my soul like a crackling fire on a cold winter's night. And there I was, standing among the spires at midnight for reasons that not even I could explain, not wanting to do anything but ponder all that had happened in such a short time. What was I doing, leading a herd? What if Hope was wrong in choosing me? What if I was not capable of guiding all of these horses in their time of need? I scarcely knew the Rift myself. Without Roscorro by my side, I didn’t know what I would have done. I’d been going back and forth about whether or not I was worthy of such great responsibility ever since the meeting. More than anything, my greatest fear was letting them all down. No matter how often I tried to reassure myself, a seed of doubt remained, gnawing away at my mind and preventing me from sleeping. But the gentle look that the moon gave me ignited a flicker in my heart that soon started to grow, eating at all of the dark emotions in its path. My worries, my thoughts, silently burned into smoke and wandered away through the endless night. For a few minutes longer I stood in the open and allowed the pale light to bathe my body, casting the white fur in a silvery glow. My eyes closed slowly and my lips parted to breathe out a relieved sigh. The night and the moon allowed my soul to run free. When they opened again, a golden figure was visible up ahead, though she had not yet turned to see me. Step by step, my hooves carried me in her direction, until at last I was close enough to see that it was Kiada. By now, I could recognize her sturdy frame and delicately curved horn from anywhere - there was nothing quite like it. Perhaps she was restless too, and felt the same solace in the night beneath the smile of the moon. It was unusual to be awake at this late hour. Or it was a very early hour, depending how one looked at it. I hung back for a moment, half hidden in shadow, my emerald orbs watching her for a moment as she gazed up at the starry sky, wondering what she might be thinking. In the background, my heart beat faster, a little more erratically in my chest. But I swallowed whatever it was that lingered within. "Couldn’t sleep?" I asked softly, at last stepping up beside the gilded mare. "TALK HERE" |
and she is — gold, gold, gold. Kiada
|
Rixen Rise and rise again until lambs become lions;
At first, the sound of my voice echoed off of the stone walls and the mare seemed to shift upon recognizing the words belonged to someone familiar. She did not seem surprised that I was there, although I could not fathom why. What were the odds that we’d both run into each other, anyway? Certainly they were small. I looked over at the golden-hued mare standing beside me. She seemed peaceful, taking in all that the moonlight’s silvery glow had to offer her. Her eyes remained closed for another moment, and then slowly the pale blue orbs fluttered open. Though she did not turn her head, my green gaze briefly met hers and neither of us spoke. It was a silent night. The stillness caressed my skin like a cool breeze, smoothing my soul, taking away my jagged edges. It surrounded us like the stars twinkling above us in the freckled night sky. I stood still, aside from the occasional flicking of my ears or swish of my inky tail. My antlered head was tilted up in the direction of the sky, and my lips curled up slightly in a placid expression. Kiada shifted slightly, angling her body in my direction and tilting her head so that she could see more of the sky floating at the tips of the city’s massive spires. "I hope I didn't startle you. The moon’s certainly breathtaking." And with my words came a nod of agreement, not thinking too much else of her movement. The moon was a white-grey disc sailing in the cloudless sea; streams of moonlight sank into the earth bleeding silver. Its light illuminated everything around us, accentuating every curve and crevice, making the world seem all the more beautiful. "No," I shook my head, exhaling softly. My breath formed a small white cloud as it made contact with the air. "So I came out here for a walk …you know, to clear my mind." Looking up at the night sky made me think about how insignificant I was. Not in a bad way, but rather in a ‘the universe is giant and beyond anyone’s comprehension’ kind of way. It served as a reminder of how much was really out there and how little everything mattered. Shatter this earth, and it wouldn't really matter that much at all. Then there was us, standing here, insignificant blots in the cosmic tapestry, yet conscious of it all. Despite being small and well, rather insignificant, I still felt privileged to be a part of it. Content, even, knowing that I was. Feeling as though I was obligated to offer her more of an explanation, I added, "I like to think about who else is looking at the same stars." And whether or not they were thinking about the same things. Was she? "TALK HERE" |
and she is — gold, gold, gold. Kiada
|
Rixen Rise and rise again until lambs become lions;
"Though I've never met your father or your brother, I hope they are too." My voice echoed, wishing for the mare what I could not have - reunion. For her to find her family again, wherever they were. Even if I didn’t know her father or her brother, I knew the pain of being separated from those I loved most. It was all too familiar, a familiarity that I would never wish upon anyone else. Not Kiada. Not anyone. From the moment I met her, I knew that she was someone I wanted to stay in my life - brave, strong, and equally as kind. Kiada deserved only the best, but as much as I wanted to help her find them, there was nothing more that I could do than offer the mare words of comfort and wish upon a star. And that I did, raising my antlered head to the sky, and gazing out into the glittering abyss through two placid green orbs. Yet in considering hers, it was impossible not to think of my own family; my own past. What I once treasured was now a memory, a shadow lingering in the depths of my mind, one that had fortunately since been replaced. At times, I did miss my father, the noble and devoted one, but not the monster he eventually became. And my gentle mother, though she was long dead, killed by his machinations. And my little sister. Not knowing where she was or if she was alive pained me, and I assumed that she was dead simply because it was easier to move on without clinging to the possibility of ever finding her. It was a strange thing to lose someone, or even everyone, which you once had, like a limb torn from your body, without the chance to save it. In that moment of loss my world collapsed - where there was light became shadowed, the pain coming and going like heat waves rolling off scorching sand. Though my mind called out, the connection was gone... everyone was gone... and finally I knew that I was alone. Or so I’d thought. The Rift had given me everything back: a home, a family, a place in the herd as a leader. Still, I could not help but wonder whether I deserved it. Was I cut out for this life? When she asked whether I wanted to speak of all of this, or about anything that was troubling me, I did not know where to begin. Yes. I did want to tell her. But for some reason, I did not quite know how. My mouth opened, as if to speak, but my jaw just hung there instead, slightly open. Like it had been frozen. Thoughts, racing at lightning speed through my mind, blew by me so fast that it was nearly impossible to grab only one to hone in on. Normally, I had little trouble voicing what went on in my head. I wouldn’t spill everything to a stranger, of course, for I valued my privacy, and also knew that doing so might have innumerable consequences. This was Kiada, though. Why, in this instant, was I choking up? Why was I worried? Turning my body to better face the gilded mare, my lips closed, the corners of my mouth wrinkling slightly downward. My gaze held hers, which was azure and gentle and patiently waiting for my reply, before it shifted downward and focused on a moonlit patch of cobblestone. Like everything else around it, it reflected silver in the light, as if it were worth so much more than a mere pile of stones. I shifted my weight slightly, from my right hooves to the left, trying to agree with myself on how to begin. Not wanting to keep her waiting, or sour the moment, I took a final deep breath before plunging in. "I-" I began, stumbling over what words had been meant to follow, "I’m not sure I can give this herd everything it needs..." And the self-doubt hit me with a pang. I’d been struggling to fight the feeling off, to keep it hidden away so that it would not project onto anyone else, or onto the herd. For the herd needed me to be strong, assured of its creation, of my place and duty within. "My deepest wish, at the end of all of this, is for my herdmates to be happy. I want you to be happy. But it feels as though I lack direction, and I don’t want to let anyone down." I confessed, furrowing my brow slightly, wondering how Kiada would take all of this. It was too late to take any of it back. Not that I really wanted to. Voicing these concerns was cathartic, like a lifting a heavy burden off of my chest that had weighed me down for far too long. It was like I could breathe again. I just hoped the gilded mare at my side would not think anything less of me. "TALK HERE" |
and she is — gold, gold, gold. Kiada
|
Rixen Rise and rise again until lambs become lions;
Nights like these gave me a release. Years of self-discipline and a life riddled with danger taught me stoicism, to have control over the face which I showed the world. If there was one thing my past had taught me, it was this: to wear one’s heart on one’s sleeve was a dangerous thing. There weren’t many horses who could tell of my innermost workings. This was something I prided myself in, but it was also part of a never ending struggle. I was so in the habit of taking all that was calm about me and made it my aura, tucking away that which would surrender my insecurities to the world and leave me so naked. Even where there was no danger, it had become pure instinct, to breeze through this life bestowing smiles and the salve of rich and honeyed vocals to all. Over time some things that scared me would fade away; relief would wash over me, as if they were never there at all. But time could not absolve everything. "Yeah…" I nodded slowly in agreement, considering for a moment the strange terror I felt at the daunting task of leading an entire herd. What’s more, it was the Rift’s first herd. That left me with, in my mind, no other option than to succeed. To show the Rift that its mysterious and dark ways would not stand in the way of horses coming together. The thought sat like a heavy pit in my stomach. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to lead a herd or that I did not want there to be a herd at all. No. That was so far from the truth. That’s why I’d come here. To try to rid my mind of the thought of things going all wrong. But the thing about doubt was that it was not easy to erase. All attempts would be fatal if every other part of my being wasn't on board; I knew I had to convince that tiny, persistent part of me, but it was too questioning to easily persuade. My mouth held its frown shape, jaw clenched tightly, an outward sign of the many emotions brewing within my doubt-infected soul. That was when I felt Kiada’s pelt brush mine as the gilded mare leaned into me in a gentle embrace, an electric rush of lightning against the cool of the night. I’d been so busy thinking that it hadn’t occurred to me that she was stepping in closer until she was there. Taken by surprise at her touch, I raised my head a little, green gaze looking upon her expression, just to make sure that it was what she wanted, and not a mistake. Her embrace was a simple enough gesture - affection, perhaps the fragile beginnings of something more. The fur that brushed mine was soft, flanks strong. The feel of her body pressed against mine soothed me more than I had expected. Dare the thought cross my mind that I’d desired the feeling of her side against mine? As she leaned her neck across me and rested her head on the other side of my withers, it became clear that she had intended every movement. And of course, I did not mind. A heavy sigh escaped my maw, a billow of white cloud in the frigid air, as if my breath had been held in far too long and was at last set free by Kiada’s reassuring touch. I’d never felt anything like it - it felt ...right. The world around me melted away as my body pressed back, not wanting the moment to end. "I trust Roscorro. And I look up to him. There are few others I’d want to lead by my side. Truthfully, I don’t know what I would do without him. In part, that’s why I think I feel this way. I think… you know, I worry about equalling him as a leader. It wouldn’t be fair, if I couldn’t." I couldn’t help but tell Kiada how I felt, accompanied by a small shake of my head. It felt weird to be sharing those words, but like I’d said, they were true. It was difficult to imagine guiding the Rift’s first beside anyone else. Roscorro gave me more confidence in the herd’s future, and my ability to share in its leadership, than I’m sure he could fathom. Yet it wasn’t enough. Why? Despite the heaviness in my stomach, it fluttered at the feeling of her fur resting against mine. Trying to swallow without seeming nervous, I allowed myself to sink into the heat of her side, appreciating her simple gesture for all that it was. Kiada’s touch made the night warmer somehow, even as we stood there together beneath the stars' cold glow. The voice of her advice was warm in itself, with a rounded feel, comforting like the dancing flames of a softly crackling fire. It almost felt cozy. "I haven’t lived in a herd much. It was a long time ago and… it didn’t exactly end well. And now-" I paused, as if I could hardly believe the words rolling from my own tongue, "Now I’m the leader of one. Hopefully I can get the hang of this whole- er- leader thing." Attempting to lighten the mood of the conversation, I ended the thought with a somewhat awkward chuckle that sounded as ungraceful as it felt. In part, it was amusement at myself, at the realization, in retrospect, that these small doubts should be the least of my worries. Her pale blue eyes were soft, like liquid pools of sky, as she searched for my gaze. My own glittering emerald orbs met hers, and held them steadily there. She pulled her ashen head slightly from my shoulder, and offered a smile. It bored into me, unearthed me. It was radiant, as always, beaming like the sun - even in the darkness. Her velvet lips began to move once more, voice soft but certain: I am here for you, Rixen. I did not think anyone had said those words to me before. No, not that I could remember. Sometimes the passing of days or months or years was not necessary. Nor instant gratification. Sometimes, a few heartfelt words and a listening ear were enough - enough to make everything else seem small, even if just for a few heartbeats. That was all it took to lift my spirits for the time being. "I appreciate it, Kiada. I know I can always trust you." I replied after a moment, pausing to collect my thoughts and shape them and form them and churn them out into sentences. "I hope you know that I am here for you too, if you ever need me." Breaking eye contact, I turned my head toward the sky, before casting her a playful sideways glance. "Or rather, when." I whispered, the right corner of my lip tugged upward in a subtle grin, a crease of amusement. "TALK HERE" |
and she is — gold, gold, gold. Kiada
|
Rixen Rise and rise again until lambs become lions;
We just stood there. Together. Holding each other. It was nice - although I can’t say that I’d expected any of this to happen. But I suppose that the spontaneity of it all was half of the fun, and so there was not much to complain about. Even if I tried. It was just a cool night and the two of us keeping each others’ bodies and minds warm, and in a way, shielding each other from the problems of the world. They were easy to forget now, faded, like a distant memory. They lingered there, but there was little desire to think about them. Not when I could stand here, and breathe Kiada’s scent, which faintly resembled a mixture of pines and damp earth and something sweeter that I couldn’t quite place, and think about how weird the feeling was, when a few moments felt like infinity. I listened to the sounds of the wind hitting the spires. A gentle breeze had picked up again, and as it travelled through the city, it made a sort of whooshing sound. Like a voice whispering in my ear, except there were no words there, even when I tried to listen. It toyed at the ends of my hair, which lifted up and danced in the air, their light graceful movements mirroring the feeling within my soul. It ruffled the alabaster and blue-tinted hair on my back, which had grown thick to prepare for the upcoming winter months. It was like the touch of a gentle hand, coaxing me not to worry with each stroke of the palm down my spine. Letting out another soft sigh, I listened to undulations of Kiada’s voice as she described more of Helovia to me. Hearing the stories and history she had to offer was always music to my ears. When she did speak of Helovia, I would imagine the place and the people in it. Kiada’s father for example, or life in her old herd. It seemed like a place I would have liked to visit in its glory days, before everything happened. Before Kisamoa - before the Rift. "They balanced each other…" I murmured sort of into her shoulder, where my muzzle was resting, thinking about the different strengths of the horses she’d described. I was glad to hear that Kiada didn’t think I needed to keep up with Roscorro. Perhaps we could be like the leaders of the Edge after all, in our own way. Use our differences to help one another help our herd. Not that were completely different beings, because we were actually quite alike, in morals and personality. I was more concerned about being as good as he was. But maybe I didn’t really want to be Roscorro, because no one should want to be anyone else. Maybe it was better to be myself, improve myself every day. Surely the rest would follow. "No, we aren’t. I don’t know why it felt that way. I couldn’t have a better or more willing group of horses behind me. Everything’s been going better than I would’ve imagined, really." I paused to reflect on how nicely things seemed to be coming together after our first gathering as a herd. That wasn’t to say that there wasn’t still much to be done, as everyone still needed to get the hang of their respective tasks, but for now I could be content that we were a herd, and that we had begun to work together on making ourselves into a family. "We’re well on our way to… being a herd. A herd in the Rift." I said with a small chuckle, as if I could hardly believe it myself. Who would’ve thought. Kiada smiled and laughed at my pseudo arrogance. Though there were no signs of it on my features, I was sort of proud that she’d found it amusing. So I continued. "Well… yes. You’re not wrong, I wouldn’t want that at all. If you’ll have me, that is." Then I added jestingly, "In case you didn’t know, I’m kind of curious to see what eyeball tastes like." She laughed so delicately; yet it was also cheerful, like the flow of a river. I couldn’t help but laugh alongside her, a twinkle in my eye, feeling the joy flood into my life alongside the laughter. And I knew, that even when the laughter left, the feeling of this moment - the joy - would stay with me. "TALK HERE" |