The Portal
 (UR SPOT ON LOLOLOL) It's a bit cliche really: me - damsel in distress, sprawled helplessly on the ground - and he - knight in shining armor, rescuing me from peril. I'm okay with that though because knights are usually smoking hot, almost like it's a prerequisite for them. Except, looks like he forgot to put his suit on, and the only thing shining is his teeth. I don't know that yet though, I'm still adrift in the haze of unconsciousness; a thick and fuzzy blanket that coddles me when shit gets too much, a sensation I'm familiar with after mixing beer and liquor one night. Removing that dark cover threatens the return of reality and a killer headache, so really you can't blame me for curling up a little tighter and squeezing my eyes a bit harder when someone (sunshine of the morning after or a demon freshly spawned from hell, one and the same really) comes knocking. I even cutely smile when his gentle touch playfully tugs that comforting duvet away, murmuring something about "Nick Jonas..." Once he starts to slide it off though it all just comes tumbling free. After only a few more seconds my gorgeous eyelashes daintily flutter open - picture a small butterfly's wings opening and closing in the amber glow of the morning sun as it sits delicately poised on a rose, petals still shining like diamonds with dew. The modelesque blue-depths of my gaze meet the frozen jade of his, and for the briefest of moments, I am entranced by that fierce stare. Then it all hits me. The realization comes first as the peripheral of my gaze notices something near me that isn't my salon-intense blonde locks. Originally I think it's a massive black spider ON MY FACE, but in the same instant that I'm turning to look at his grotesquely clawed talon, I'm also taking in all the rest of him. Not some handsome prince charming, but his steed, except its more likely to belong to a horseman of the apocalypse, or Shrek, than Finn Ryder. "UUUUUUGH!" I cry out, thoroughly grossed out as I suddenly jerk my head back. That's when the pain also comes, and it's so brutal it scatters stars across my vision and my head sways mid-jerk, flopping loudly back onto the ground. I groan between my teeth, my breath loud and heavy as I suck it in. Some dirt sneaks up my nose as I do, and unattractively I sneeze. Lastly, the situation creeps back into the forefront of my attention. That, more than anything, is the scariest shit of all and it causes me to sit bolt upright, headache and stars be damned beneath the boot of adrenaline and fear. I look blankly at the hell-steed before me, my mouth a bit ajar, my eyes as wide as my iPhone X's screen. "WHAT'S HAPPENING!?" I shout, an edge of hysteria creeping into my voice, disappointingly similar to my mother when she's viewing my credit card bill. "WHERE ARE WE!!!" I demand of him, or anyone, as if it was his fault I was here in this icky forest and on the ground with leaves and bugs and dirt on my face. I try to put distance between the large horse uncomfortably close to my body so I put my arms out and try to push myself back. I end up in an awkward sitting position, which hurts like hell on my hips and my ass (where my tail is). I reach down with my left hand to rub it, but a heavy thud hits my side instead. I try to wiggle my fingers but a clunky object just thumps around by my hip. Frowning I glance down and promptly scream so hard I nearly faint again. "I'm a horse?????" I sob, the understandability doubtful given my full-blown hysteria now. I've never done acid before, but if I had I probably would take this in better stride. Instead, I'm flipping the fuck out. I guess part of me thought it'd all been a dream, but I'm definitely awake now and it still hasn't gone away. |
What. The. FUCK!?
