07-19-2017, 08:25 AM
Have my pompous garbage:
I know how that feels. I've gone through long periods of time doubting myself, my writing, my character; it doesn't matter how many times somebody say they like my writing. I'm just like "it's garbage why would anyone want to read 800 words of mauja rambling about his woe". (I'm still amazed anyone wants to do this?????)
I've found that the best way to kill my muse and my desire to write a character is to force it into something it doesn't want to do. I have a couple of mistakes of that caliber in Mauja's history, but we've come through it, but forcing out those words that he doesn't want to write? And then sitting there with a consequence that never should've happened? It's tough.
I never had any particularly goals when I took over Mauja, and I still don't. I write for the interactions. I write for the moment. I write with those who want to write with me, because that makes me want to write with them. And most importantly: I write what pops into my brain and flows down my fingers. This has led to Mauja being a crying wreck at Mirage's funeral. It has led to him creating Glacia, to my own super huge surprise. I sit there and think "Mauja wtf" but he's just like "THIS IS WHAT'S HAPPENING DEAL WITH IT" - trying to change back to my "original plan/idea of what his reaction would be" just stops me dead in my tracks and I can't write a single word.
Writing what the character wants to have written is what gives me muse. When I've got some music I really connect to for the day, and the words just spill onto the screen. Then RP life is good.
It's less good when I'm sitting with a character that is beating its head against the wall "because I shouldn't even be here in the first place".
I don't consider it the "pinnacle of RP" to be leader of a herd, have the most awesome magic, the highest post count - this was just a byproduct for me. I've had weeks when I've forced myself to post because I've wanted to be at the top of the monthly top posters, but what came out was subpar because I was posting for the wrong reasons. I had a month back in 2012 when I wrote 84 posts or something ridiculous, because I felt like it. Aiming for something takes the fun out of it for me. If you're active, if you stick to your character, good things will happen. Opportunities will come. It's about the road, for me. That time Mauja won the leadership of the Edge from Ophelia and Kahlua? It wasn't my plan, he was just there as a spectator, but somehow he ended up in the running for it along the way. I wasn't trying and I still feel shitty for taking it from people who wanted it. Then I crashed and burned anyway.
tl;dr I'm never aiming for anything. For me, aiming implies a goal to reach, a finish line to cross. Mauja is an endless horizon.
I know how that feels. I've gone through long periods of time doubting myself, my writing, my character; it doesn't matter how many times somebody say they like my writing. I'm just like "it's garbage why would anyone want to read 800 words of mauja rambling about his woe". (I'm still amazed anyone wants to do this?????)
I've found that the best way to kill my muse and my desire to write a character is to force it into something it doesn't want to do. I have a couple of mistakes of that caliber in Mauja's history, but we've come through it, but forcing out those words that he doesn't want to write? And then sitting there with a consequence that never should've happened? It's tough.
I never had any particularly goals when I took over Mauja, and I still don't. I write for the interactions. I write for the moment. I write with those who want to write with me, because that makes me want to write with them. And most importantly: I write what pops into my brain and flows down my fingers. This has led to Mauja being a crying wreck at Mirage's funeral. It has led to him creating Glacia, to my own super huge surprise. I sit there and think "Mauja wtf" but he's just like "THIS IS WHAT'S HAPPENING DEAL WITH IT" - trying to change back to my "original plan/idea of what his reaction would be" just stops me dead in my tracks and I can't write a single word.
Writing what the character wants to have written is what gives me muse. When I've got some music I really connect to for the day, and the words just spill onto the screen. Then RP life is good.
It's less good when I'm sitting with a character that is beating its head against the wall "because I shouldn't even be here in the first place".
I don't consider it the "pinnacle of RP" to be leader of a herd, have the most awesome magic, the highest post count - this was just a byproduct for me. I've had weeks when I've forced myself to post because I've wanted to be at the top of the monthly top posters, but what came out was subpar because I was posting for the wrong reasons. I had a month back in 2012 when I wrote 84 posts or something ridiculous, because I felt like it. Aiming for something takes the fun out of it for me. If you're active, if you stick to your character, good things will happen. Opportunities will come. It's about the road, for me. That time Mauja won the leadership of the Edge from Ophelia and Kahlua? It wasn't my plan, he was just there as a spectator, but somehow he ended up in the running for it along the way. I wasn't trying and I still feel shitty for taking it from people who wanted it. Then I crashed and burned anyway.
tl;dr I'm never aiming for anything. For me, aiming implies a goal to reach, a finish line to cross. Mauja is an endless horizon.
Proximo, are you in danger of becoming a good man?
