Akvo City
 There's only so long you can smile before the pain in your jaw becomes too much, before the grin is more a grimace and your beaming face a caricature of what happiness used to be. Smiling is hard. Smiling is cruel. Smiling is a lie you tell yourself, but it's a lie you're struggling to believe. You keep up the facade for them, for Sparky and the little Mountain, but to you know there are cracks around the edges, that the strain is showing in your eyes. The mask you wear is beginning to chafe, and it's time to take it off. You leave at night, under the wild moon, Sparky and Mauna tucked safely away, and you travel to the sea. Even here, the ocean is constant; it beats with a familiarity you relish, the wind whipping hungrily at your tail and mane, the smell of salt and sea scum a welcome burn against your nose. You can feel the spray of water on your metal wing, the chill of the ocean biting into your hooves. A deep sigh forces itself out of your lungs, a teaspoon of the tension you hold gently melting away. It's loud, but quiet, peaceful, alone, and right now you need to be alone, to be away from Iskra and Mauna and the responsibility you have for them. It's not that you don't love them- you do, you love them fiercely, ferociously, so deeply that it hurts. You love them with every fiber of your being, every ounce of your soul. You love them so deeply that you ignore your wounds to lick theirs, your own chest still open and bleeding as your heart thumps, every beat searing pain - but it doesn't matter, you can bleed and bleed as long as they're healing, as long as they're okay. Except sometimes you just need a moment to breathe. The pain that clenches at your bones is different than the agony you feel in your heart - it is acute, uncomfortable, sharp and hot, and you howl as your body contorts and changes. You relish this pain, because in the minute it lasts you forget about that other one, that agony, that haunting and horrible misery that will not go away, can never go away. When the pain subsides (the short pain, the good pain, the pain that helps you forget) it's not you, Zero the Orphan, Zero the Friendless, Zero the Kid Who Doesn't Know What The Hell He's Doing, who stands in the brackish water. No, it's the Beast - large and scaled, sharp-toothed and fierce, with the tail of an eel and the claws of a cat. The panther growls, low, in tune with the ocean, in tune with the tragedy that beats in your heart. You're ready to dive, to find your solace under the waves, to explore a world wholly separated from the Hell you live in now. You're ready to leave this shit-hole behind you and swim. OOC;; open! Zero is in underwater panther form, getting ready to dive down; he still has a metal leg and lightning markings. |
- table by Niki -
