Try Not Thinking About Thinking

Thranduil

The gilded mare is ever gentle and careful. Her features crossed with concern that even the gold did not need to second guess. It was a weakness, some flaw perhaps, that he gave so easily to her, but its not one to be fixed. As strange as it may be to think of the golden Laurelin trusting someone, it was here. And it was a rare gift for her alone. So when she reaches out the gold does not draw away, nor does his skin even twitch (he was afterall getting much more used to being touched, with Hotaru and the twins). Yet she speaks a congratulations, and for some reason it falls sour on him. He holds up well enough, but inside he feels a bud of something strange. Some old feeling whispering ill meaning slivers of her meaning, knowledge of it, and his own fears.

But as Helovians seem to be good at, they move on. Her news he listens to with care. More twins…with Tembovu, no doubt. He catches his harks as they were about to slide back, keeping them to only a twitch. The Elephant was never entirely fond of him, grateful, but not fond, and the gold could say the feeling was mutual. But he made Rexanna happy didn’t he? After all they’d had more kids. Then came news of Kianzo, and the missing mate. His head tilts, genuinely curious, but he says nothing. He lets her talk. Had he said anything the unnatural attempt at comfort might have come across as insincere, and that wasn’t entirely true. He certainly says nothing of Kiada’s grief for the lost twins. Hotaru could draw it from it, but barely. To all else they were the offspring of Ashamin. Not a downfall he was inclined to grieve about.

As he had nothing nice to say, the gold was glad she changed the subject to something he could talk about. He visibly comes to attention as she speaks of Cal, though his head tilted again to hear her tone. “Of course.” How could he forget the promise he’d made her? The one out of hundreds he made, that he actually wanted to do good on? His was killed. Now the gold head draws back, its eyes shifting to something cold. The had been his job...In a bit more bitter tone that she, he breaks her words. “By who?” It vibrated with tension, though he tried to hold it back. Who had stolen his task from him. Who had let the cretin’s blood run too fast? Let it drip without the whole world seeing his nightmarish fate. An eye for an eye- He apologized? The gold had to bite back his tongue, not an easy task but her, and listen again. She seemed pleased, and at peace with it all. How could she? How- memories are dragged from their depths of caves and shouting of words ever so similar. Yet he holds. Her laugh…He keeps his peace because in the end, one line rang true that could silence him. “I’m glad for you, and to see you make your peace.” No matter his objections, that could silence them.

She lets them move on, but it’s not an easier topic. Harks twist back as she pushes in on him. Not unwelcomed, but unnaturally. He could let her touch his shoulder without a twitch, he could trust her word, but this was something deeper. This was talking about him. Had he ever been asked that on that level before? Even by Hotaru? Of course Rexanna never just accepted his mask as others did. “I-“ He started, but stopped, his earth eyes looking to hers as the gold in them shivered, revealing the turmoil within. The usual easy flowing voice broken by the awkwardness as it pressed his throat. What does he say? I hate being a loyal father, but I love my sons? Hotaru’s tearing me up all over. I feel so weak that I can’t protect them here? I feel lost without my skill, my job. Oh yeah and to top it off, I’m turning into a f’ing lizard (thanks Kaos, great joke). It all caught in his throat. Oh but she was so attentive, she wanted to know. It was Rexanna….The gold rumbled, and he came out with as close to the truth, because she deserved it, as he at this moment could give her. “Ask me another day.” Then he fell silent, his head turning slightly, unnerved by her question, exposed. And his thoughts consumed him into silence, unable even to change the subject.


OOC ::
"Speech"
 

The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the waterspout.
Down came the rain
and washed the spider out.

Image credit.
@Rexanna